Spending time with my "insignificant other" and mistress earlier this afternoon and evening, I had the sudden urge to simply ask the both of them individually, "Are you happy?" Soon after I was conflicted with answering my own question when they had asked me. At the moment I answered, yes, I was happy. However, that question and answer continued to linger in the back of my mind throughout the entire evening, second guessing myself if I really was happy.
Who would have ever thought such a simple question like that could be so complex to not only answer, but also understand. I needed a time and place like this to simply diagnose my ambiguity. According to Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary, happiness means a state of well-being and contentment or a pleasurable or satisfying experience. There is a pretty straight forward definition of the word.
Well let's see. All I know is that I am at the peak of my adolescent career where I am truly finding who I really am and who I want to be. I face each and every waking hour with life changing struggles and overwhelming feelings of failure. I am tortured with the unpredictable possibilities of my future and troubled with the priorities I endure in the living present. I am surrounded by narcissistic, psychologically damaged, deranged, analytical, selfless, selfish, careless, vile, egocentric people who are nevertheless intellectual, one of a kind, affectionate, passionate, warm-hearted, inimitable, self-assertive, steadfast, soft hearted, talented, hard on, and strong. I am in a constant battle with my physical appearance and independent life. And, I spend each day with a big smile on my face, a positive attitude, and an eagerness to learning new things.
So, responding to my own uncertainty of self happiness, I now laugh and simply still answer YES I AM VERY HAPPY. Every imbalance and hardships in my life only make me happier and content because the trials that I face to overcome these obstacles are the ones that make my life worth living. And, having a purpose to live is what makes me happy.